Mercy

 I mentioned in my last blog post about God having to repeat Himself with me.  There is one question I find myself repeating to Him every time I stumble back to Him or cry out in the midst of my troubles. 

"What do You want from me??" 

And His answer is ALWAYS the same: "Do justly, love mercy, walk humbly."  (Micah 6:8)

Justice comes easy for me. I can be very black and white and am all about doing the right thing, never wanting to do wrong.  Things being fair is important to me. (Real fair, not the millennial, "woke" definition of fair.)  I'm the kind of person who will stand up for others when I see injustice, even if I don't know them. Do justly? Yeah, I got that. Do justly is good with me. 

Then comes the part about mercy... 

It might be easier if the Lord were simply asking me to act in mercy.  That could almost be considered a subsection of "doing justly," right? It could just be another part of doing that right thing, but that's not what the Lord is requiring of me. 

Love mercy.  

So here's the thing, I DO love mercy... when it comes to me.  I LOVE that God has been merciful to me. I love that despite the fact that I aborted a child created in His image, He has forgiven me. I love that though I lived in rebellion for the first 22 years of my life, in His mercy, He made a way of salvation for me. I love that even when I have backslidden like a prodigal or just neglected my walk with Him, in His mercy, He has kept His arms open for me. I love that when I have done really, stupid, inconsiderate, even cruel things, in His mercy, He has kept me under the blood and even blessed me even when I didn't deserve it.  There are so many times in my life that His MERCY has triumphed over (actually deserved) judgment, and I love that. 

But all too often, that love for God's mercy stops with me. 

I'm just going to be honest and transparent here, and confess, sometimes I see God's mercy in the lives of others, and not only do I NOT love it, it kind of pisses me off, especially when it's for someone who I don't feel like has done right by me.  I see the blessing of God's mercy in their life, and all I want is justice. 

I'm not proud of that. That is NOT a reflection of Christ living in me. 

Many years ago I felt wronged by a group of people and it really hurt me.  It wasn't "right" and I really wanted justice. Honestly, for a while, a little later, they hit a rough patch and things weren't going well for them, and I even found myself reveling in the "justice" I thought that represented. I wanted all the justice, but I could see God's mercy at work as I watched from the distance. I told God (what a dangerous statement that is) that I wanted more justice (by default less mercy) because of the wrongs that had been done to me (and others). 

That's when the Lord pointed out rather clearly, that I should think that through, because if JUSTICE was what was right for them, then that was what would also have to be right for me.  As the old (paraphrased) adage goes, "What's good for the sinfully fallen, human goose, is good for the gander as well." (And that included me.) 

God is completely consistent, and if I am going to love His mercy in MY life, then I have to really just LOVE HIS MERCY. Period. End of sentence.  I need to revel in the goodness of God, even in the lives of His other kids who have been a little too human to me. 

God really pierced my heart in that situation. And I'm happy to say He really opened my eyes in that situation. I was able to really let go of my demand for justice in that situation. I was able to forgive and let go and love God's mercy that I could see in that situation and in the lives of those people who had hurt me. And in that situation, even though there was never any official reconciliation, I have ZERO hard feelings and no bitterness, and from my demands for justice, I was able to completely set them free. (Not that they ever knew I imprisoned them there.) Not only, in that situation, was I able to love mercy, I was able to be a part of it.  And even if it's unbeknownst to my former prisoners, it settled a huge issue between God and me. 

Reread that paragraph, though. Did you catch my hints? God got through to me in that situation. But a holy habit, much less a godly attribute was NOT created. This whole "loving mercy" thing, is still a huge challenge for me. 

I know there is a very specific current situation where God's mercy is frustrating to me in the life of someone who is walking very contrary to His ways.  It's an interesting situation because on the one hand, I fear justice in this situation, but I'd also like limits to the mercy because I feel like God isn't going to get through if there isn't at least SOME justice meted out. It's a hard and painful circumstance (maybe the worst ever), but I rationalize and justify and feel a little less guilty about my lack of love for mercy in that situation, but the same truth still applies as before. God isn't letting me off the hook. 

But even as I have been writing out this blog post, God has highlighted another situation where I have been taking pleasure in the "justice" someone else is experiencing by struggling in a similar situation where I felt they hurt and abandoned (and judged) me when I was going through it.  But that is not what God requires of me.  Honestly, when that pang hit when God pointed it out a few minutes ago doesn't make me feel very proud of myself.  Let's face it, God's still got His hands full with me. 

Finally, I think what's important to realize is that third part of what the Lord requires, "walk humbly" doesn't really happen until there is a balance between the "doing justly" and "loving mercy."  I can't be that vineyard worker who showed up at 8 am complaining about how God pays the guy he came on at 5 pm. (Matthew 20) 

Walking humbly is about remembering that God is God and I am not.  (Seems like that should be easier, doesn't it?) Unlike me, He knows all, sees all and most importantly, knows best. The right "recipe" of love, and mercy, justice and grace is His to decide. And it is simply my privilege to partake, and I need to love the rich fullness and flavor of His mercy, not just myself, but for others... ALL others as well. 

It's NOT easy.  I guess that's why God keeps having to remind me.