When I first dedicated my heart to Christ back in 1992, I fell in love, rather quickly with God's Word. My walk with Christ began with the pain of a past abortion, and I was very fortunate that God led me to two women who led a group of women like me to a place of healing, and they did it by teaching us the Word of God and how to apply it in our lives. God's Word spoke powerfully and directly to my pain, my past and my needs. I very quickly began to learn the joy of treasuring His Word in my heart.
I bought my first Bible and it was really something special. I felt... connected to it. It quickly became my greatest treasure as I learned more about Christ, God's grace, His forgiveness, His goodness and so much more. I carried it proudly with me to my first ever Harvest Fest.
As I sat in the stand of Anaheim Stadium and listened to the worship and Greg Laurie teach, I grew incredibly annoyed by a young man sitting behind me, mocking the whole thing. I was SO irritated!! I really just wanted the guy to shut up or even better, leave. Then I heard this small voice in my heart. It said, "Give him your Bible." Wait? What??
I didn't hear any of Greg Laurie's teaching that night. I was WAY too busy having an argument with God. "Lord, you CAN'T mean that... I LOVE Your Word... Wouldn't that be like pearls before swine?? You KNOW how much this Bible means to me. Why would You want me to give it away??" The more I argued, the heavier the pressure was in my chest to do what I was being told. Oh the pressure, and the resistance. Then I don't know what Greg Laurie said, but the whole stadium erupted in cheers and applause and I heard God say with such emphasis, "Do it NOW!!!"
I swung around so hard and so fast, I practically chucked it at the guy, and I think I kind of popped him in the chest with it. I said, with no kindness or charity, "HERE. TAKE THIS. God wants you to have it." And then I spun back around and sat down ignoring the strange looks I was getting from my Aunt who had come with me to the event. I sat back down and didn't look back or around, or anything for the rest of the service. My attitude was basically, "Are You HAPPY now, LORD?" I knew I had been obedient, but I wasn't at all happy about it.
All I really noticed was the guy had gotten quiet. His mocking stopped, but he didn't have a miraculous come to Jesus moment that led to him walking the stairs down to the altar or anything. As the service wrapped up, I just wanted to get up and get out. When the time of escape finally arrived, I felt a tap on my shoulder as I tried to get away. I turned back to the young man and he had this somewhat dumbstruck look on his face. He looked at me and said, "Thank you." I replied simply, "Just read it." And he said he would.
I don't know whatever happened to that young man, or my precious Bible, but I like to imagine that maybe someday we'll cross paths on streets of gold and he'll tell me how that day was a turning point for him. Maybe we will, but here nor there, the day was a lesson in obedience.
This story came to my mind today as I was driving home from class and blaring worship in my car. The song Take Me Back by Maverick City came on. The song starts out with the lyrics "I remember when I was young and Your voice shouting loud my name... And since that moment I haven't heard it quite that way... Well now that I'm older, can You say it again?"
The words of the song just pierced my heart. It talked about a simpler time when loving and trusting were easy. When God opened my eyes and how REAL He was to me, when He was my first love.
What I remember about those younger days was just how much I treasured His Word. My Bible was like another limb, my strongest limb. It was like a portal that would take me immediately into His presence and connect our hearts. I wish I had the words to accurately describe it. It was like an iron lung, the only way I could breathe. A lot of people who don't know the Lord like to call the Bible (and religion in general) a "crutch." It was 1000% a crutch because it was the only thing that kept me standing.
In 1997 I bought myself another Bible that "fit" like the one I gave away in Anaheim Stadium that night. It took me through a season in my life that I lived desperately for Christ. The years I struggled as a young mom and didn't know how to love my firstborn son very well. It sat on my lap as I built an internet ministry to women who had abortions in their past. It took my through infertility as I longed for my promised child. It was in that Bible that I read the passage that told me that daughter's name. I pored over it through the 3+ years that we fought to keep Ethan through all the adoption battles. And I clung to it and the promises inside it when we worried over Tori's health crisis.
Those were some of the darkest and hardest days of my life, and truth be told, I think that Bible is a big part of why I even managed to get through them. The pages are stained with tears, filled with highlights, underlinings and personal notes. There are dates next to promises I circled that I knew God was speaking to me. Through those years, I was constantly reading and rereading. I would have a hurt or a need, and I could picture in my mind what the page looked like with the words I needed. And I would pore through it until I found them again. The Bible says that "Jesus is the Word," and I knew that to the very depth of my soul in that season of my life.
Diana, what a beautiful and open blog. I appreciate your honesty and being so real and raw. It's funny but it's almost impossible to run away from God. Thank you for sharing!!!
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